I’m not a relationship expert. I just play one on the internet. That being said I have picked up some wisdom along the way. Hopefully these tidbits will help you wives (or hope to be wives) or at least give you something to think about on your journey.
As Mr Says and I continue to cultivate this thing called marriage I’ve learned that, among other things, men in general and Black men in particular live in a constant possible rejection cycle Our patriarchal society mandates that men are the initiators, the risk-takers and the catalysts more often than not. As teenagers, boys are expected to initiate conversation, then dates. As men they usually risk popping the question. Outside of personal relationships if a man is hesitant to do much of anything the first criticism they will hear is “You call yourself a man?”. Regardless if he has been prepared for the task or not if he doesn’t try the world is ready to revoke his man card. Talk about pressure. I definitely miss the mark but I try my best to make our home a rejection free zone for Mr Says.
Being the wind beneath someone’s wings is not a light accomplishment. Eagles, as majestic as they are cannot soar in a vacuum. They are designed to soar on the lift of the atmosphere. No lift, no majesty. What if the same could be said of men? Why not believe that your husband is extraordinary and that with your encouragement higher heights are his for the taking? It’s true isn’t it? Here are 17 suggestions. Don’t say anything that isn’t true.
- “Seek first to understand, then be understood” -Stephen Covey
- When he does something well publicize it. Tell your girlfriends.
- Find out what household chore bothers him when it isn’t done. Maintain it.
- Free him up to do something he loves once a week (or with consistency).
- Verbally recognize his improvement in an area.
- Ask him about his goals or his bucket list.
- Give him tools to use doing something he loves (the artistic Mr Says gets art supplies)
- Tell him you appreciate how he takes care of his family.
- Initiate an activity he likes to do and show some enthusiasm.
- Tell him you believe he can achieve a goal he has.
- When he fails respond graciously. Never say “I told you so” or “You should have listened to me” even if it is true.
- Find his love language and speak it.
- Ask for his opinion. Respect it.
- Tell him you respect him.
- Talk to him about the goals that you are pursuing.
- Apologize for something you know you’ve done to hurt, embarrass or annoy him.
- Tell him he makes you feel protected when he __________.
- SEX! You initiate.
- You initiate great SEX.
- Sex. You. Handle that.
- Sex. The good kind. Get it?
Do you think this would work for you? What suggestions do you have?